Freeze Frame
by PandaFire McMango
Summary: Mark reviews his night and his film. CollinsAngel, MimiRoger, MoJo. Go CollinsAngel, WHOO! This was my first fic and i should just delete it, but for sentimental value...not really angsty, but thoughtful. that's it, thoughtful.


Disclaimer: Jonathon Larson owns everythin here. RIP> Bless His Soul. Love 2 Him

The door to the apartment slammed as Mark hurried in, blowing on his freezing fingers. He had just come from a raucous, loud party at the Life Café. They had laughed and sung and shouted and drank. Mark smiled as he thought of the wonderful feeling of family he had when they were all together like that. Unfortunately, the party had ended when the manager came in and saw Mimi giving S&M lessons to Maureen, Collins and Angel making out on the table, and Roger accidentally break a glass. They had been thrown out and, after jokingly threatening to assassinate the manager, went their separate ways. Collins went to Angel's, Roger to Mimi's, and Maureen to Joanne's. Mark felt alone. But then, there was a small part of him that always felt alone.

Mark sat on one of the uncomfortable, hard chairs that Roger insisted on keeping in the apartment. He said it helped his back when he played guitar. Mark rolled his eyes as he thought of Roger.

Roger had gone head over heels in love with Mimi. Mark knew that to most people, Roger's manner seemed little different from the sullen, introverted person he had been a month ago. But he and Collins both saw the little things that, for Roger, showed so much. A small laugh, a smile, agreeing to play Beatles songs on the guitar for Maureen…he had changed. Mark knew that. But Mark also knew that Roger, who been afraid of love ever since April, was having a hard time admitting his new love to himself. He often fought with Mimi, for reasons that no one but him, and probably not him either, understood. Mimi tried so hard to hard to get close to him…Mark sighed and set up his camera and projector. He was checking out his old footage, trying to find something to use. He fiddled with the wires and sockets for a moment, and suddenly images from his camera blazed out of the projector.

The first thing he looked at was a short video of Maureen. She was practicing her new performance piece. His eyes grew bright as he watched her laugh and giggle, watched her dance and speak the words she was so proud of. He had loved her so much, and he still did. But he knew that she had never really been happy with their relationship. Sure, there had been good times, times of love and happiness, but she never openly relished those times as much as she did with Joanne. She obviously was enamored with Joanne, and Mark tried as hard as he could to wish them good luck and love. But sometimes he found himself gloating when he heard that they were fighting, and sulking when he saw them kiss. He couldn't help it.

The next piece of film he watched was just after New Year's. Collins and Angel played around in front of the camera, laughing and shouting and talking to Roger, who was standing behind Mark when he shot it. The shoot ended with Collins and Angel beginning to make out and Roger cheering from behind the camera. Mark stopped the film and looked at one frozen frame. Collins was laughing, his lined face full of laughter and love as Angel started to pull his head towards hers with a green, sparkly feather boa that Angel had hooked around his neck. One of Collins's arms was wrapped around Angel's waist, and her hip was about an inch away from his, obviously about to bump him playfully. Mark felt a smile coming onto his face just from looking at the sheer joy and love on both faces. Now there was a relationship that every other human being in the world would envy.

He had known Collins for years. He was a cheerful, fun-loving philosopher, who Mark had never known to have any romantic relationships at all before now. Mark remembered the look on Collins's face when he had introduced Angel to them. Proud, happy, and almost embarrassingly in love. He and Angel loved each other more than anything, and although they had never said as much to Mark, it was obvious to him and anyone else who spent more than half an hour with the two that they were in love. You could see it in the way, when Angel was showing everyone his new drum solo, Collins pressed his palm against Angel's back and massaged him gently. You could see it in the way Angel pressed his knee against Collins's leg as he told everyone a story about his student. And most of all, you could see it in the way Collins and Angel were willing and happy to say, go, and do anything with each other. Mark doubted that they even realized the little things that they did, like those little nonchalant gestures and touches that were so meaningful to others, but to them were like small and constant reminders of their love. They didn't do those things because they felt obliged to. They did them because they wanted to.

Mark switched to another frame. This one was pure Angel. Collins stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist. Angel's arms were thrown outwards, one almost straight up and the other to the side. Her face was full of so many things: joy, love, happiness, energy, spirit, and something Mark couldn't name. Her wig was adorned with a single pink butterfly barrette, and it sparkled in the sun that bathed Angel's face. Mark laughed out loud. Angel was one of a kind. They knew that from the moment she strutted, proud and energetic, into the apartment on Christmas Eve. Her spirit, her love of everything, and her generosity were dazzling. Mark knew that Angel was really the core of their little group. She held them together, gave them the love they needed. They owed so much to her, yet she only gave, never took.

On an impulse, he stood up and switched off the projector and camera. As he headed for the door, Mark grabbed his scarf and wound it tightly around his neck. He felt a need to see someone, anybody. And in this cold bohemian world, there was no day but today.


End file.
